Pickymon, Chapter V: Exposition Overload

Based on a concept from @ZombieHam on Twitter, Pickymon is what happens when you decide to play the original Pokémon Red with a simple twist – you only get one team of six for the entire game. The rules are simple:

Including your starter, you may only catch or purchase 6 pokémon throughout the entire game.
No glitching!
Trading is not allowed, and you can’t release a pokémon to catch another – once it’s in your team, it stays in your team to the end.
This includes Hitmonlee/Hitmonchan, Kabuto/Omanyte and Lapras – if you pick them up, you keep them.
Evolution is not only allowed, but required – you can only obtain Flash (HM05) by having ten pokémon in your Pokédex!
The game is over when you catch or defeat MewTwo.

Our intrepid writer Charles has taken the challenge. This is his story.

Ghosts postponed and Mr Fuji temporarily trapped wherever, it’s time for me to head to Celadon City and get ALL OF THE THINGS.

Celadon’s gym is grass-type, so I need to bring FirePupper up to speed. Fortunately his native Route 8, our route to the big city, is full of opponents susceptible to ground-type moves, and pretty soon ‘Pupper is heckin’ them up with his new favourite move, Dig.

I realise these references may not be making much sence if you don't follow that one Facebook page — *Where he goin’?*

I want to mine as much XP as possible here, which means sacrificing the potential for exploiting the Mew glitch:

Fuck's saaaaaake — *Hey, y’know what’d be neat is if someone used the concept of chance as an excuse when I beat them*

I also realise that I’m neglecting to take many scenery screenshots, so here’s me levitating above some ledges:

...eeeeeeeeeeI'mNotGettingPaidToWriteThiseeeeeeee... — *Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee…*

A trip through the east-west branch of the Underground Path later, and I reach Celadon, the game’s second-biggest city. I immediately spot a black-clad figure wandering around. Wonder what he’s up to?

I've just realised it looks like I'm looking in a magic goth mirror — *Why, did you have urgent evil business with that bush behind me?*

Now, onto those important acquisitions! I head to Celadon Mansion in search of a certain someone, but first, I run into this weird slice of meta:

Also that suggests that they're not finished. — *Weird.*

I eventually remember that it’s the back entrance I’m after, and that this building doesn’t really do normal:

I bet he orders office supplies on Amazon Prime but doesn't even have a business. I bet he does that. — *Bet the postman loves this dude.*

Turns out that what he knows is mostly about TMs and trading, but whatever, he’s got a present for me:

See what I mean though? What kind of flat has a blackboard? — *Woah this one was a hard catch*

That’s right, my team’s penultimate slot has been filled. Welcome aboard…

I first saw Eevee on the Teevee. I'm not getting paid to write this. — *Steevee the Eevee.*

One IMPORTANT THING up, I head to Celadon Department Store, the game’s megashop:

Let me tell you about my theory that the Leicester Debenhams is an attempt to manipulate the passage of time via sensory deprivation — *It strikes me suddenly that I’ve never seen a department store with that many windows.*

Inside, I run into some more meta (which I just miss out on screenshotting), when a guy at the counter tells me he’s “finally finished Pokémon!” Imagine, just for a second, being ten and being confronted with this world after growing up in a village with four buildings. Imagine it. It’s friggin’ weird.

Anyway. Shopping!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pretEZVIXv4 — *AAAH! IT’S NOT HOT!*

Not getting paid, guys — *Electric Pokéland*

Doesn’t take a genius to figure out my plans there. There’s some levelling to do first, but my final squad is slowly becoming visible on the horizon…

After browsing the TM selection and picking up some stuff for later, I head up to the roof to see if there are any goodies up for grabs there.

Maybe a big flashing arrow pointing to the vending machines in the top corner would help! Oh god no stop don't actually — *Once again, Pokémon Red, I may not need you to spell everything out for me.*

As luck would have it, this simple exchange gives me something I actually need:

It'll come into play later. OOOH INTRIGUE — *Ice Beam!*

Right then. Time for a proper look round the biggest city I’ve encountered so far. I do wonder what Team Rocket might be up to that I need to stay out of the way of, but I’m sure whatever they have going on will be subtle and difficult to come across.

Well, never mind, I’m sure they’re keeping whatever that’s a front for well hidden and out of public knowledge.

Well. I’m sure that if I wander into a random house in the city, I definitely won’t find a bunch of them inside waiting to casually explain their entire well I’m sure you see where this is going

For

christ's

HOW DO YOU EVEN BASICALLY FUNCTION AS AN ORGANISATION — *NO. TEN YEAR OLD BOY WHO JUST WALKED IN OFF THE STREET.*

I DIDN'T ASK

Okay. Alright. Fine. I’ll go and check out this poster at the Game Corner. I’m sure they’ll have some well-hidden security systems guarding it subtly and–

That guy challenges me to a battle, and upon being defeated, keeps up his top-notch guard job:

Please? — *you… better keep guarding the switch?*

I'm not BOSS, by the way — *Oh no, come on, surely*

Now, I hate to be a didactic narrator, but at this point I’d like to invite you to read the following dialogue as if it’s being spoken by my character, out loud, dripping with venomous sarcasm:

!?!?!? — *WHO ON EARTH WOULD HAVE THOUGHT*

On we go, then, into the belly of the beast. The confused, word-vomiting beast who is lethally allergic to keeping any secret about anything.

I feel like I could've found this place without turning on the game — *Mate, how did I not get here like three days sooner*

To sum this one up: battles easy, floor puzzle harder.

File under "motions that do not screencap well" — *Wheeeeeeeee(spinspinspinspin)eeeeeeeee*

I'd be very sad, a lot of the time — *Imagine being the fire warden in this place.*

Keeping with the theme of missed screenshots, I don’t manage to catch the Grunt who drops the lift key behind him and makes no attempt to stop me walking round him to get it.

We take out the remaining Grunts without incident, strengthening the team as we go – FP and Smol both level up, with the latter learning the very handy Psybeam.

After exploring the super-secure building a little more…

Uh-oh, the mere passage of time caused us to give you all the stuff we've stolen — *Oh dear!*

…I head to the basement to take on the boss man. Giovanni isn’t too tough a prospect at this point, so I’m able to switch my team about, scoring more XP for FP and Steevee and leaving my team toughened up before I hit the gym:

Now imagine they're still doing that, but they're a bunch of cosplayers in a pitch-black Rock Tunnel — *Imagine them all flexing.*

I also grab the Silph Scope! Because everyone knows the scary thing about ghosts is when they’re nonspecific.

Gym time! I find this guy outside, who I’m sure has an excellent relationship with the country’s women-only police force:

...cheap? Well-equipped?

Ah, sex offenders. A classic child's game punchline.

Erika’s underlings prove to be the toughest gym crew so far, making FP work for all the experience he gains with a slew of status-changing moves, and a particular fondness from Bellsprout evolutions for the very frustrating Wrap. FP holds his own, though, and Steevee gets herself a few bits of action too. Eventually, we work our way to the top:

It's like a rainbow sun thing. I don't even know if they've physicsed correctly there. — *Spoiler: this one only *sort of* looks like what it’s called too*

…all of which leaves the crew looking tough, and surprisingly even!

And that was the day on which I took apart Team Rocket with what can honestly be described as their very willing assistance. 9:14 deep, and I’m halfway home on the badge count with a nearly full team.

Next move: over the weekend, back to Lavender Town for a lovely spot of ghostbusting.

Gameboy, Let's Play, Pickymon, Pokemon, Retrospective